IT WAS NOT ENOUGH... Chapter 5 - HER

The air near the river was colder... she stood there with bag filled with some snacks and a drink. The wind was blowing her hair in every direction... but this small confusion made her feel relieved. 

Looking into the tone of black water, bathed in dimmed lights of lanterns... made her think about this one, late night after one of the shootings.. when she met with him in a small storage room. She wasn't even sure what she wanted from him, but she was so angry.. so insulted.. her body under touch of other people was aching, like her skin was burning to protect her from any damage. But the curiosity of 'what if...' lead her into this situation and it was then when she realized that his touch was as soft and delicate as honey...

His body pressed against her... boxing her up agains the wall. His face was just a few inches away from her, and she just felt the hunger, licking her lips in expectation... he bit his lips while touching her naked arms observing his fingers. She lifted one of her hands to his face, studying patiently each detail... he took it off, kissed gently and.. like something unblocked him  -  he progressed to press himself closer to her, kissing her at first moment gently... but as she responded a bit harder, he accelerated . 

His lips attached tightly and vigorously to her... in passionate kisses, gently but rough in the same time... filled her thoughts. She still felt his touch on her body, the taste of his lips... and the feeling of how wrong it was in that time, made her feel that for both of them it was the only right thing. Thinking about this now... made her heart crack in pieces even more, because all this moments were gone now and nothing could bring them back to her arms. They used to break all possible rules made by their managers... dancing on the edge of their own madness, seeking for relief to their burdened minds and tired bodies, seeking for salvation from their own lifes. 

She turned her gaze from the surface... and slowly moved forward. Memories of this months made her even sadder than she already was... what exactly she wanted to do here? She smiled bitterly... lately it was the only way she was smiling, as she passed a few meters she realized that no one was there at this hour and this lifted her a bit up as she lifted her gaze ahead of her... she saw a man on the rocks with a bottle in his hand. She stopped in her post and looked in his direction... he danced on this rocks, jumping like crazy, after each move he was sipping happily his trunk... and just when she decided to quietly go into her direction, he screamed throwing the bottle into the distance... after a moment he fell into the water.

A shiver of panic ran over her back, she looked in both directions looking for someone who in her place would go and help... a drunk man in the water, was a sure death... but no one was near. 
- Fuck... - she muttered clinging her teeth, she threw her bag and took off the blouse... as fast as she could she get into the water, looking for sign but she didn't saw anything.... she dived with closed eyes and grabbed something into her hands after a second, as soon as she somehow managed to reach the surface... falling on rocks and pulling out the body on the riverside. She grabbed his back to turn him... 

Wet hair was all over his face... eyes closed and not moving chest... even knowing this all, she couldn't move, she just froze terryfied. Her hands started shaking when she was trying to touch his body... but she couldn't just take a breath, she felt like throwing out. But one thought run through her mind, and she knew she couldn't let this happend...  
- Please... wake up - she pressed his chest, her voice was cracking and squeezing ... she was forcing herself so much to keep pressing her hands. She turned her gaze at his face.. he looked just like, he leaved from under the  shower and went sleep. With both hands she embraced his face... 
- You can't ... you hear me? You just can't... - when she took of one of her hands to press his chest again she saw blood on her fingers... sticky fresh blood. She felt like just now she can leave this damn world... - If you won't wake up... - she mourned through her teeth - If you won't... - pressing his chest, making mouth-to-mouth respiration... desperately trying to make him wake up.. made her realize something she thought wasn't true before. 

She wanted to see him... but after what happend that one day, she just couldn't look into his face. She didn't appeared anymore on the shootings... feeling disgusted of her body, personality .. she took everything on her. She felt... dirty.. and whether she was trying to clean this from her skin, nothing... nothing... helped. 

She pressed her head to his lifeless body...
- Yoongi... - she let out a quiet cry, her heart was racing so fast that she felt like her breath goes away...

*Pictures does not belong to me. Credits to the right owners ;) 

Leave something after you ! 


P.S. I really love the new album of BTS - Love Yourself : Answer <3
It's a whole new bible to the sad, hurt and powerless ones.
They really spoke out ... 

I am so proud 

#Love_Yourself
#Love_Myself #Thank_You_BTS <3